Friday, April 28, 2017
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Monday, April 10, 2017
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Friday, April 7, 2017
Becoming a Wild Thing
It was unintentional. I didn't plan this. I'm changing and it's awesome.
As I delve deeper into Nomadic life I have the good fortune of learning from my boyfriend's experience (Enigmatic Nomadics on YouTube). He has a library of audio books for people trying to improve their lot in life. Being kindred spirits, these books really speak to me.
I am particularly fixated on "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero.
The audio version is AWESOME. The boost to self image is enough to make this book worth the money, but in addition she comes from a perspective that is easily relateable to women. You'll hear all the same advice as you'd get with any other self help book, but catered toward the awkward lady who just wants a leg up.
I re-read the book often because it helps me stay in the moment. I had a particularly bad day at work recently and couldn't get out of the repetitive, "I hate people" vibe. My job relies on people though, and I can only succeed in a happy mood. So I switched the book on and there was Jen, telling me I'm a Badass and to forget the one person who made the day rough. They were just reflecting their own struggle on me.
As I live more in the moment and brush off my memories I'm finding a lot more happiness. It has improved my health immensely. The most immediate affect: fewer panic attacks. <333 This was it, the key people have been talking about my whole life that I could never understand. I came across it by accident, and I don't think I would have understood it any other way.
This change has emboldened me. I'm driven to take my career to new levels and to improve my life day to day. I've come up with an interesting practice to reach goals and higher potential. Once a week I sit down and imagine where I picture myself next week. I write about 5 sentances visualizing the experience of 7 days from now. Does this experience line up with my ultimate 1 year goals? Is it a positive day? How am I better next week compared to now?
Then I set it aside and forget about it. Once in the morning I will look at it and ask myself, "what do I need to do today to get closer to this awesome day next week?"
So now my daily goals are lined up with my weekly goals which are lined up with my yearly goals. And that is the ONLY time I think about the future. I don't rehearse conversations in my head, I don't focus on "what ifs", I stay in the now. Because those goals are a sure thing and I know for sure I will make them happen.
I'm also trying to get better at forgetting. If you know me personally, you know I have an impeccable detailed memory. In my case, this is a bad quality. I remember my traumas in detail. Being raped for 5 years of my childhood by my dad... I still remember his musk. Then being raped again as an adult by an ex, I can still feel the fear welling up inside me. "Not again, please." This life was a struggle and my good memory chains me to pain I shouldn't still be forced to experience.
Forgetfulness is not a perfect art. When the bad things fade, so do the good. However if I live for this moment, if I focus on what I see, zero in on this smell here, I am immensely happy. Because who has a life like mine? This is amazing! I travel, I'm financially stable (thank you disability), and I can visit my friends and family across several different States any time I want to.
Plus when I live in the moment, I find myself loving the people who hurt me more. I am naturally in a state of love. When I realise the time gap between those bad experiences and now I recognized that who they were then is not who they are now. I can love my dad fully because I'm not the only person changing here. I love my ex, my old roommate, my doctors, and old friends who cast me away due to misunderstandings. I loved them before, but I truly love them now.
I am very happy on the road.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Monday, April 3, 2017
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Saturday, April 1, 2017
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