Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Service Dogs and Personal Growth
When I got Sarah to train as a Service Dog I had no idea what I was doing. Of course, I thought I did, but years of research and planning contributes little to the experience of raising and training my first dog, much less for the high standards required by Service Dogs. I was in over my head, but even after understanding the entirety of my failures I can resoundingly say that it was worth it.
It was worth it because now I know what I'm doing. I wish so much that I could express my sincerest apology to Sarah that she ended up being my guinea pig in this learning process. I'm no master, for sure, but I understand now what I absolutely should not do. And that's a good foundation to have.
Sarah has been retired from her service work for a few months now. I have not expected nor required her to do any tasks, though she still does dpt on occasion. She still licks my hands regularly when I'm manic and she paces with me when I fall into a mental trap. These are things that became impulsive in her nature through her training. Though we train for tasks, the true success is when that task becomes compulsive to the dog. Like breathing. I don't expect it of her, but I am grateful she is still doing these things since it will make this transition easier for me.
Sarah was retired because of aggressive behaviour toward other dogs. When she was 1 1/2 Sarah was bit by a dog owned by a new neighbor who claimed it was a Service Dog. She let her dog outside off leash and it immediately rushed Sarah and bit her. I yelled at the owner to remove her dog, but the damage was already done. At first there were no signs of any problems with Sarah. I regret that I did not report the incident. In the area I lived in at the time, there were no legal protections for Service Dogs being attacked.
Sarah's issues started showing up about a month after the incident. At first it was a fear of bull terriers; she would slouch and run if she saw one. But she was still doing well in daycare and didnt show other problems. I didn't realise what was happening at the time and I should have immediately worked with my trainer on exposure to this fear.
But we moved on. Sarah had only started service work a few months before. She was young and still impressionable, pushed by my anxiety over a need for a service dog. She was stressed and I didn't recognise that I was pushing her too hard. Slowly her fear turned into resource guarding starting with food, then toys. She ignored other dogs in public if these two things weren't around. I started working with my trainer on aggression management with the food and toys. I should have been more rigorous in this training.
Then I went to the van build. It was awesome. Now 2 years old, Sarah did well with most of the other dogs, except one which was also a resource guarder. But tiffs were slight and no one got hurt. The second week Sarah chewed through her no-pull harness, which doubles as a muzzle in an emergency.
The third week was Thanksgiving, and also my birthday! The community was amazing, and on our last day we had a Turkey feast. I was careless and stupid, I should have been watching Sarah. I sat next to the turkey for a moment. There was a crowd of dogs and Sarah started the fight. She lunged. My immediate impulse was to pull her head down and try to pull her back with my arm. But I forgot she wasn't wearing her muzzle and she bit me. She was not aiming for me, her attention was on the other dogs. I put myself in a bad spot and I made a dangerous mistake.
I treasure the scars on my arm from her bite because it was a turning point in my own training. But I was still stupid. I decided at that moment that I would no longer take her in public access areas. But while we were camping I still let her off leash and didn't keep her in check well enough. On one such camping excursions another person was camping with us with his dog. Sarah bit the other dog on the ear, a common spot for puppies giving warning, but Sarah was no longer a puppy and it was absolutely wrong.
I didn't know what to do. I locked us together in the van and cried. I found out a day later that this man's dog was a Service Dog. The reality of it hit me hard. I had just allowed something terrible happen to someone else's Service Dog, which had happened to me. Something I knew was an egregious offense. Months later I found out the bite got infected and that this gentleman held a grudge. And he was definitely a gentleman because he never expressed this grudge to me. This made me more sad and more diligent.
He well deserved to feel this way. I watch his Instagram closely, always afraid for the thought that his dog might take the same turn that Sarah did. Honestly, I can't tell. The dog seems ok, but they always do on the outside.
The last several months with Sarah I have considered giving her up. I've consulted others in this situation and received a lot of good advice. Sarah can never do service work again. Giving her up is my backup option if I can't help her. But I am a responsible person. When I got this dog I made a 17 year commitment to the life and health of the animal. I know her well and out of anyone I am her best hope to lead a long happy life without being put down for aggression.
Right now I am playing the waiting game while working on her behaviour. I am saving money for three major things.
1) a plot of land where Sarah can run. Where I can focus on her training while also saving more money.
2) sending Sarah to aggressive doggy boot camp. This will cost about $2,000 and takes 6 weeks. I might need to do this twice.
3) after boot camp, consulting with the trainers and possibly getting another dog to start training for service work. This will also cost about $2,000 for the dog + $12,000 min for the first 2 years of training
Regardless, Sarah will go through boot camp. It is the best option I can give her for her survival. I hope that boot camp plus rigorous after training will put Sarah in a positive frame of mind and prepare her for a new puppy. On the advice of the trainers, however, if they feel she cannot get along with a new dog I will adopt her out.
Ultimately, I need a Service Dog. But there is a gift Sarah gave me, which I did not have before: patience. It will be at least 3 years before I have a working dog again and that's ok. In the meantime, I am the same as I was before I got Sarah. I avoid large crowds and events. I only shop at night. I avoid people, and now I also avoid dogs. But I do have the benefit of a friend who keeps me from committing suicide. All is not lost.
The next dog will take it slower. I will spend and have already spent an excessive amount of time researching breeders, focusing on breeders who do neurological stimulation in the first 9 weeks. The new dog will receive constant basic training and exposure for the first 18 months, but otherwise will live like a regular puppy. No service training before then, definitely no public access. Then 6 months of full-time service training with a boot camp (because there are things I cannot train with my disability).
I wish there were programs that offer service dogs to people like me. But I fall through the cracks. There are plenty of programs for Veterans with PTSD, but I am not a Veteran. There are also programs for people with all sorts of physical disabilities. But my disabilities are largely mental. I have yet to find a program that trains Service Dogs for rape victims. (If you know of one, please send it my way) But perhaps it's a good thing.
With Sarah I have learned coping mechanisms I never could have learned in any other setting. I have faced challenges and done things I otherwise could not. Sarah the Service Dog was a massive, failed learning experience. But Sarah the pet dog is going to be a huge success. I know the benefits that a Service Dog provides, for me it's freedom. I'm not giving up on Service Dogs and I'm not giving up on Sarah. The limiting factor is always money, so for now I will sacrifice some time to get there.
And you can bet that the moment I can care for myself again a large cash donation will make its way to a certain gentleman's pocket. It's nothing to what happened, but I owe him that much at least. My life has improved immensely in the last 5 years. Learning a little patience is the best thing Sarah could have given me. I am a better person now than I was even last year. I am always hopeful and optimistic. Every step is a new opportunity to be a better human being.
I love you
It was worth it because now I know what I'm doing. I wish so much that I could express my sincerest apology to Sarah that she ended up being my guinea pig in this learning process. I'm no master, for sure, but I understand now what I absolutely should not do. And that's a good foundation to have.
Sarah has been retired from her service work for a few months now. I have not expected nor required her to do any tasks, though she still does dpt on occasion. She still licks my hands regularly when I'm manic and she paces with me when I fall into a mental trap. These are things that became impulsive in her nature through her training. Though we train for tasks, the true success is when that task becomes compulsive to the dog. Like breathing. I don't expect it of her, but I am grateful she is still doing these things since it will make this transition easier for me.
Sarah was retired because of aggressive behaviour toward other dogs. When she was 1 1/2 Sarah was bit by a dog owned by a new neighbor who claimed it was a Service Dog. She let her dog outside off leash and it immediately rushed Sarah and bit her. I yelled at the owner to remove her dog, but the damage was already done. At first there were no signs of any problems with Sarah. I regret that I did not report the incident. In the area I lived in at the time, there were no legal protections for Service Dogs being attacked.
Sarah's issues started showing up about a month after the incident. At first it was a fear of bull terriers; she would slouch and run if she saw one. But she was still doing well in daycare and didnt show other problems. I didn't realise what was happening at the time and I should have immediately worked with my trainer on exposure to this fear.
But we moved on. Sarah had only started service work a few months before. She was young and still impressionable, pushed by my anxiety over a need for a service dog. She was stressed and I didn't recognise that I was pushing her too hard. Slowly her fear turned into resource guarding starting with food, then toys. She ignored other dogs in public if these two things weren't around. I started working with my trainer on aggression management with the food and toys. I should have been more rigorous in this training.
Then I went to the van build. It was awesome. Now 2 years old, Sarah did well with most of the other dogs, except one which was also a resource guarder. But tiffs were slight and no one got hurt. The second week Sarah chewed through her no-pull harness, which doubles as a muzzle in an emergency.
The third week was Thanksgiving, and also my birthday! The community was amazing, and on our last day we had a Turkey feast. I was careless and stupid, I should have been watching Sarah. I sat next to the turkey for a moment. There was a crowd of dogs and Sarah started the fight. She lunged. My immediate impulse was to pull her head down and try to pull her back with my arm. But I forgot she wasn't wearing her muzzle and she bit me. She was not aiming for me, her attention was on the other dogs. I put myself in a bad spot and I made a dangerous mistake.
I treasure the scars on my arm from her bite because it was a turning point in my own training. But I was still stupid. I decided at that moment that I would no longer take her in public access areas. But while we were camping I still let her off leash and didn't keep her in check well enough. On one such camping excursions another person was camping with us with his dog. Sarah bit the other dog on the ear, a common spot for puppies giving warning, but Sarah was no longer a puppy and it was absolutely wrong.
I didn't know what to do. I locked us together in the van and cried. I found out a day later that this man's dog was a Service Dog. The reality of it hit me hard. I had just allowed something terrible happen to someone else's Service Dog, which had happened to me. Something I knew was an egregious offense. Months later I found out the bite got infected and that this gentleman held a grudge. And he was definitely a gentleman because he never expressed this grudge to me. This made me more sad and more diligent.
He well deserved to feel this way. I watch his Instagram closely, always afraid for the thought that his dog might take the same turn that Sarah did. Honestly, I can't tell. The dog seems ok, but they always do on the outside.
The last several months with Sarah I have considered giving her up. I've consulted others in this situation and received a lot of good advice. Sarah can never do service work again. Giving her up is my backup option if I can't help her. But I am a responsible person. When I got this dog I made a 17 year commitment to the life and health of the animal. I know her well and out of anyone I am her best hope to lead a long happy life without being put down for aggression.
Right now I am playing the waiting game while working on her behaviour. I am saving money for three major things.
1) a plot of land where Sarah can run. Where I can focus on her training while also saving more money.
2) sending Sarah to aggressive doggy boot camp. This will cost about $2,000 and takes 6 weeks. I might need to do this twice.
3) after boot camp, consulting with the trainers and possibly getting another dog to start training for service work. This will also cost about $2,000 for the dog + $12,000 min for the first 2 years of training
Regardless, Sarah will go through boot camp. It is the best option I can give her for her survival. I hope that boot camp plus rigorous after training will put Sarah in a positive frame of mind and prepare her for a new puppy. On the advice of the trainers, however, if they feel she cannot get along with a new dog I will adopt her out.
Ultimately, I need a Service Dog. But there is a gift Sarah gave me, which I did not have before: patience. It will be at least 3 years before I have a working dog again and that's ok. In the meantime, I am the same as I was before I got Sarah. I avoid large crowds and events. I only shop at night. I avoid people, and now I also avoid dogs. But I do have the benefit of a friend who keeps me from committing suicide. All is not lost.
The next dog will take it slower. I will spend and have already spent an excessive amount of time researching breeders, focusing on breeders who do neurological stimulation in the first 9 weeks. The new dog will receive constant basic training and exposure for the first 18 months, but otherwise will live like a regular puppy. No service training before then, definitely no public access. Then 6 months of full-time service training with a boot camp (because there are things I cannot train with my disability).
I wish there were programs that offer service dogs to people like me. But I fall through the cracks. There are plenty of programs for Veterans with PTSD, but I am not a Veteran. There are also programs for people with all sorts of physical disabilities. But my disabilities are largely mental. I have yet to find a program that trains Service Dogs for rape victims. (If you know of one, please send it my way) But perhaps it's a good thing.
With Sarah I have learned coping mechanisms I never could have learned in any other setting. I have faced challenges and done things I otherwise could not. Sarah the Service Dog was a massive, failed learning experience. But Sarah the pet dog is going to be a huge success. I know the benefits that a Service Dog provides, for me it's freedom. I'm not giving up on Service Dogs and I'm not giving up on Sarah. The limiting factor is always money, so for now I will sacrifice some time to get there.
And you can bet that the moment I can care for myself again a large cash donation will make its way to a certain gentleman's pocket. It's nothing to what happened, but I owe him that much at least. My life has improved immensely in the last 5 years. Learning a little patience is the best thing Sarah could have given me. I am a better person now than I was even last year. I am always hopeful and optimistic. Every step is a new opportunity to be a better human being.
I love you
Monday, September 11, 2017
Saturday, September 9, 2017
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