June was a hell of a month. Because of my anxiety issues I have a tendency to put off high stress things. Unfortunately, this time my high stress was YouTube related. So I went dark. Earlier this morning I posted a short video mentioning my breakup and leaving Jamie's camp (https://youtu.be/KA7yqZZaHnU). This video was mostly to get the worst over with and get my ass back to work on the massive amount of content I've been avoiding. Above is the longer version.
Honestly, the reaction was incredibly more positive than I expected. My hat off to you YouTube for your incredible support. I was genuinely afraid that most of my followers would be upset about it and leave, but there is so much love in the van dwelling community. <3 My heart melted right away and because of such positive response I was able to work on what I had been avoiding for a month.
It's hard to look back on this time because there was a lot of pain and fear. But there were also amazing things. Parades and puppy sitting. Flowers, fires, and fireworks. I have so much love for all the events and random encounters. I would say it's the most joyful experience about vandwelling, but it actually comes in as a close second.
The best joy is helping another traveler. Especially when you get to geek out together about your rigs, where you've been or where you're going. Something I love to do is give food to panhandlers on the street. I rarely, if ever, have much money, but I always have food. I met a gentleman named Francisco just as I was leaving Orem. He was amazing. "I'm headed to Maui in a week" he said. "Holy shit, that's awesome!" I squeaked as we munched on cold yogurt from my fridge. He reminded me that different lifestyles have different needs. I pressed to give him as much food as I could, but he refused most of it because of the extra weight it would cause him to carry.
"Good luck with your busking!" I waved goodbye and secretly wished I had the nerve to stand on a street corner like that. I imagine it's much like camming; high criticism, harassment, and mistreatment, but worth the patience for moments like this. People can be happy with very little. Life can be simple and beautiful. This young man was proof. Even catching a glimpse of a mountain lion was not as thrilling as giving him some yogurt and cereal.
I truly wish more people would try the nomadic life. Even just for a short while to understand the struggles and the simplicity. Saving money would be easier when you understand how little value there is to materialism. It's our experiences that make us happy. Meeting with old friends.
After I left the Nomadics camp I visited one of these old friends for a while. We enjoyed rootbeer floats together and walked around a reservoir for a while. The next day we gamed for hours while I did my laundry, our dogs huffing at each other from a distance. It's the simple things that I value and being able to reconnect with this person meant the world to me.
They say it's not the destination, but the journey that's important. For me, the journey is the destination. The wind moves me where I need to be and the experiences I seek are the greatest joys of life. The breakup with Jamie was hard. I love him dearly, but the pain out weighed the benefits. I know there will be better things for both of us in the future. His business is doing very well and it can only get better. I also know he is a kind and mature person, so I hope when the van build rolls around in November that our anxieties toward each other will be settled.
I do best when I'm on the wind and I hope this is the last relationship I will have for a while. I am tired and there is much about me that I need to focus on fixing. Enjoying life and improving myself will be my focus in the coming months. And if I'm lucky, I might be able to help another traveler along the way.
I love you much. Thank you for reading.
-Tes
No comments:
Post a Comment